I could make wine with my vomit
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
