i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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