We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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