I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
