my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
