so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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