p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
