So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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