I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pants are for mortals
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