i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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