The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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