If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it because I queefed?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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