It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
