Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
