What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
