So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
