I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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