A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
