My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize