would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
