i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
