he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
