hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize