I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
