I have demons in me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
