first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
