They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
