He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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