I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize