my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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