...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
