My first STD was from a foam party
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
