Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nicole vs. Life
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this boner is exhausting
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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