i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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