You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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