We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
