theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need to calm my uterus...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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