Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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