I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
