i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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