peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
