we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
