I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
