Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
