White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
