Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
