Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
