I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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