Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
