That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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