dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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