God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
