So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
