my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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