hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
