Moan for me like Helen Keller
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize