Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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