So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize