I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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