we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
