Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
