dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
