Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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