Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
