I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize