Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Please don't give away my fajitas
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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