I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
