I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
