He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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