After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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