the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
