He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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