My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
