my mouth tastes like poor choices
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
