I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize