About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
