When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
