I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
