im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
