Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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