Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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