Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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