His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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