Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
