Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
