woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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