I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
