She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
